I recently read a blog post written by Gordo Byrn by this title. It reminded me that I hadn’t, to this point, addressed this subject or issue in my life. I can look back on moments in my life that served as mental, physical, and emotional resets. They’ve all left me asking “Am I Ready” in one way or another. Don’t worry, I’ll tie this back to multisport in the end.
I’ll avoid the temptation to dig back through my life’s lessons and illustrate each one – after all, this is a blog, and no one wants to read a novel here. I’ll start with more recent history. After the trauma that we experienced in getting our twins here I gave up on triathlon and physical goals. I just didn’t have the energy in any way. There was no motivation and no physical strength. I just didn’t care.
Fast forward to 14 months ago, my twins were healthy and life had eased up on us a bit. A couple of buddies talked me into my first 70.3 event, after nearly 10 years of racing in triathlons. Along the way I asked myself “am I ready” on several occasions. In some ways I was ready (physically). In other ways I wasn’t (mentally and emotionally). I finished Longhorn Ironman 70.3 in a decent time (5:30), so in that sense I was ready. But I didn’t prepare the way I should have – that part was mental, I wasn’t emotionally invested. I knew I had a better effort in me. I set my sights on crushing that time at Ironman Florida 70.3 6 months later. I trained harder, lost the weight, and showed up “ready” in all regards. But as I blogged about earlier, sometimes you can be at your best and the details of Ironman can still defeat you. Physically ill during the run from a nutritional mistake, I ultimately finished slower in 5:33 (after being WAY ahead of goal on the bike).
That hot day in Orlando caused me to reevaluate things. I had learned a couple of valuable lessons: 1. I had prepared adequately to go fast. 2. I hadn’t paid attention to the nutritional details involved during the race and paid for it. I was disappointed, but not devasted. I went to Disney that night with my family and we stayed until closing time.
I had another chance ahead of me. I was already registered for Boulder 70.3 in 3 months. I wanted to make up for Orlando’s disappointment, but as it turned out life had other plans for me. Our family vacationed in July and had a blast. I scaled my training way back, gained some weight, and fell into a bit of an emotional funk after the vacation. I didn’t feel “elite” in any way anymore – athletically or professionally. I started questioning everything in my life. Where I was, where I was going, what would my kids think of me when they’re older, how would the world and my family remember me one day, etc. I wondered if I was wasting gifts I’d been given and letting fear rule my life. Honestly, I didn’t like any of the answers I was coming up with. Too much “Am I Ready”? was leading to alot of “No”. It scared me, but I was comfortable in my life’s normal routine. Late in July, only a week before Boulder 70.3, I joined my family in Florida for another short vacation. The waves were huge one day and the red “do not swim” flags were out. Being a tough guy though, I ignored the flags and charged into the raging waters with a boogie board. I rode a number of big waves all the way up onto the beach skidding to a stop at my children’s feet. They laughed and jumped with excitement. I rose again on a large wave, but it felt different almost immediately. There was a check in my gut, like the feeling you get when descending on a roller coaster. The wave picked up pace as it crested and I slid down it before I turned sideways and went under. I’d had “wipeouts” surfing before, so I knew what to expect when getting thrashed by a wave. This felt different immediately. The wave slammed me into the ocean floor. My shoulder hit first, skidded across the coarse sand, and then the crown of my head hit. I recognized the familiar “wahwahwahwahwah” feeling and the bright yellow spots. As a wrestler I’d had concussions for years. Sometimes I have trouble remembering simple things. I fought to the surface and stumbled onto the beach, collapsing in front my wife and kids. Eventually my wife helped me to the house where I sat for a couple of hours with an ice pack on my shoulder and a beer in my hand. I had lots of time to think and listen for what had just happened. Ultimately I had a concussion and a sprained shoulder – one week before Boulder.
I knew that afternoon that I’d been given a proverbial smack in the head. It was a wake up call from above. I’d been asking myself for weeks “Am I Ready? as a father, as a husband, as a son, as a friend, as an athlete?” My answer came in the form of being dumped on my head and given rebirth emerging from the water “new”, but changed emotionally…and for good measure, physically. I couldn’t use my arm for a week. I’m a Christian (and an English major) so I understand the symbolism of immersion in water.
This episode left me digging for answers even more than before. One thing I knew for sure was that I wasn’t ready for Boulder 70.3 physically, but emotionally I could do the event and be happy regardless of my time. I think that was kind of the point. It’s not always about being ready for sport. As athletes we’re walking a narrow path. Sometimes we lose focus on being ready for the things that really matter. What I wanted to know was if I died tomorrow would I have done enough for others, loved my family enough, was I ready to say “that’s it, I’m ready to toe the line, take me home. I’ve prepared all that I can here on earth.”
That was August. I still don’t know. What I learned is that we have to prepare and live in such a way, everyday, that when push comes to shove we can say “I’m ready! Let’s get it on!” I’m all for intentional living – making plans, budgeting, etc. I also think there’s a time for just going for it. You can’t always wait for tomorrow. Life’s short. Chase your dreams. Read that book to your kids instead of going to bed. Buy that shirt instead of carrying it around the store and laying it down instead of buying it. Get a sitter and take your wife to dinner instead of bringing home Little Caesars. Ask your friend how his race went and actually care. Do the stupid Ironman. I waited for 10 years before moving up to the 70.3 distance. Guess what I learned when I finally did it? I love it. I was “ready” years ago. I want to be ready for what’s next. I want mywife and kids to say “He went for it in sport and in life. He loved me with all he had and I never had to wonder about that”, not “He hid in a cubicle, paid the bills, and took no chances, but we lived comfortably”. Either way, that legacy will live with them and with my grandkids one day. Are you ready?
Tags: Austin 70.3, Boulder 70.3, Evan Tardy Photography, Florida 70.3, motivation, running, swim, triathlon